Barely funny, slightly bawdy—ordered as requested
Okay, here’s low-quality smut with equally mediocre laughs: I like my coffee like my lovers—hot, strong, and making me question my life choices afterward; I’m not saying my love life is a battleground, but every time I go there, something explodes and I back away. My love life is like Wi‑Fi: strong signal until I enter the bedroom, then it suddenly needs troubleshooting; I asked my bed for a commitment— it said, ‘I already support you more than anyone you’ve slept with,’ which honestly struck me as presumptuous.